Hey there! Remember me?
Maybe, maybe not since it’s been so long. I’ve been so weary about blogging lately + keep finding myself pushing all these things I want to share to the far far corner of my desk because frankly: I WAS DISAPPOINTED WITH MYSELF.
I took such a long break from writing + planning + sharing over these past few months + couldn’t come up with a concrete reason why. Maybe a lack of routine? Or a lack of motivation? I guess I just didn’t know where to start.
Well, I’m done waiting – I’m just going to start again. First of all, please forgive my long absence from entering life’s exciting moments into this digital journal. As you can imagine, the past few months have been hectic + chaotic (and equally lovely) with all the changes that have gone on.
If you’re a new face around here – here’s the deal:
I was born + raised in Utah. Went to college there, met my partner Aaron there + started my career there.
Fast forward to fall of 2015, Aaron came to work with me full time + WE MOVED TO HAWAI’I!
We had an incredible winter + spring on the islands – you can see glimpses from that here + here.
Then, we went full-on crazy + MOVED TO MAINE for the summer (where Aaron is from) to spend quality time with his amazing family.
Okay, so you feel me on the ch-ch-ch-chaaanges?
It’s been an exciting, growing + challenging year. In Hawaii, I was really able to focus on our business, my blogging, traveling + just me. But this summer was a whole different story. It was full of celebrations, helping with one move after the other, adventures, transition, learning a new place, learning how to balance a BIG family + trying to set boundaries (while maybe not succeeding).
It was a lot. And arguably, a lot of beautiful.
I did realize that being in Maine was a different season for me, compared to the previous in Hawaii, while I was there + up until now, but last night when I doing an interview for a podcast (which I’ll be sharing about soon) + it hit me: I need to stop shaming myself for ‘falling behind’ this summer + instead take my time spent in Maine for what it was.
Was it our most profitable quarter yet? No. Was it my most productive time, personally? No.
But was it extremely fulfilling? YES. Was it a time where I deepened my relationships + felt really, really alive? YES.
And those last two questions are important.
And defining to us as individuals.
I guess I just needed to write that out.
So while this summer wasn’t super conducive to the growth of everything I’ve been working so hard to build – it was conducive to
the growth of myself as a human being. And in my opinion, that’s equally as important.
So as much as this summer was about stepping away from work + allowing myself to breath + grow. . .I had some serious time to reflect + just feel. Moving across the country + living nomadically is something I will truly never take for granted. And as much of a special thing it’s been, I’ve really struggled these past few months. I don’t know why I’m feeling this now instead of nearly a year ago when we moved, but I do. Maybe because when we were first in Hawaii it was all new + exciting + still felt like a vacation? Like everything was at a stand still at home?
As I said earlier, I grew up + lived in the same area my whole life; rooting myself to people + places + comfort. And that’s a beautiful thing – but something inside of me really called out this past year + said ‘go! and go now!’ I’m so glad I listened to that little voice + don’t regret our jump at all. It’s been such a positive experience all around, allowing me to learn new things, push myself out of my comfort zone + take up new hobbies.
Despite all of this, during our months spent in Maine, I found myself feeling isolated + out of place watching my dearest friends from home carry on with their lives without me in it, growing as individuals, adding other people into their lives and wondering
where do I even fit in their lives anymore?
The few times I’ve been back home since moving away, there is this overwhelming feeling of comfort – I know where I am, I know who I’ll see – it just feels like ‘nothing has changed’. But after nicking the surface + getting into the groove of things, I realize how much has changed. I can’t seem to shake this feeling that I just don’t quite belong there anymore, for the time being. It’s not that I’m not in still wildly in love with my closest friends or that I don’t love my home or that I never see myself returning there – it’s just for now, it doesn’t quite feel like home.
I recently posted this photo on Instagram with the caption:
“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” — Miriam Adeney
How many of you can relate to this? For a long time, I think I felt like my life in Utah was ‘waiting for me’ and I have to realize that it’s not. My life is in the here + now. People are growing, I’m growing and things are going to change. There’s no ‘going back’. And that’s an incredible, but blunt, thing to understand.
From this, I’ve concluded a few things:
1) I can’t cut myself off from really enjoying my life here in Hawai’i or in Maine or anywhere else for that matter. New friendships, new adventures, new facets of myself need to be welcomed in whole-heartedly.
2) If you want certain things to remain in your life you have to work for them + consciously choose them.
I need to be a whole lot better at communicating despite a long distance. Close friends + acquaintances alike, I know you feel me. I don’t know if it’s because I communicate all day, everyday for work – or what other lame ass excuse I have – but I’ve never been good at just picking up the phone + calling. Well, that’s gotta change. I want to nourish + cherish the lifelong friendships that I have + show my loved ones that they are needed + wanted in my life.
3) Stop allowing guilt + shame to enter into my life so easily. There was a lot of goodness in my life the last few months – but a lot of this too. I think we all need to let ourselves know it’s okay to serve ourselves in different seasons: as entrepreneurs, creatives + sometimes most importantly, as people.
Now that I have shifted that shame + guilt off of my plate from being so M.I.A. + really taken the time to self-reflect and process – I want to welcome you back in + share with you the many new experiences I have been waiting so long to bring to the table. Some personal – some travel + east coast advice – some photo adventures: all hopefully equally as exciting on your end! I promise, I’ll keep in touch this time.
Until then, here are a few photos from my adventures in Maine xoxo